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Balancing On A Tight Rope

It’s been taking me days to finally have the time to write this post. Thoughts have been flying around in my head and only up until now have I been able to actually put into words. The kids are finally in bed sleeping but just an hour ago, I was trying to go over Ryder’s homework, while Siella was whining and jumping on top of me and Gemma trying to pull the workbook out of Ryder’s hands. Just before that episode, we returned back into the city from my parents house, I wound up finding a spot on the street instead of trekking to our lot because it’s closer. I had to get the three kids out of the car in a pile of ice/snow, carry all of the bags back to our house while Gemma in a carrier and Siella screaming for four blocks straight because I woke her up and couldn’t carry her. No joke people were staring at us. And to top everything, Jason worked the entire weekend and is leaving (yet again) for three weeks. I don’t know if I am more upset that he will be gone for that long or the fact that he is missing out on Valentine’s Day and my birthday. Which leads me to the topic of how the heck do you balance it all?

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IMG_8409My day to day regime as of late, has left me feeling like I am balancing on a tight rope! Between school pick ups, drop offs, work meetings, work deadlines, after school, and daily household chores my head is simple spinning leaving me trying to catch my breath. And I feel guilty that I am not doing enough. I lay up thinking at night that I should have the kids enrolled in more activities or have more playdates scheduled during week. I do have the help of a babysitter three days but the kids almost always request for me, so I am constantly stepping away from my work for them. Because that’s what I’m suppose to do right? The problem is I am wearing way too many hats and just cannot seem to find the right balance of it all. And I am starting to think, is there ever a balance? When people ask me what I do, it’s really a hard question for me to answer: Are you a stay at home mom? Yes, Are you a work at home mom? Yes, Do you work outside the home? Yes. So where do you find the time? And my answer is “I have no idea”. It seems that each day we are just getting by and I am questioning if this is the way it’s suppose to be. By the end of the day I am left working on my computer leaving zero downtime.

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This year is really crucial for Ryder starting Kindergarten. He’s been struggling with the reading and writing aspect of it and as much as I work with him at home, I know it’s not enough so Jason and I made the decision to enroll him in a twice a week tutoring program. While I don’t want to put any type of pressure on him because learning is meant to be fun, he does need the extra help. This program requires about 15-20 minutes everyday of homework, and last week it was a battle to get this done. Trying to get alone time with him for only 15 minutes was impossible. All I keep thinking is that this is just going to get worse. As the workload piles on in the years to come, what the heck am I going to do. I still make it a point to have one on one time with the kids each week and do our special dates, but this crazy motherly guilt I have, constantly leaves me thinking like it’s just not enough.

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Balancing work and raising three young children is a ton of work; especially when you have a husband that travels, and although I like to think I can do it all. I simple cannot, I’m tired, and there’s always something that takes a backseat.I plan on continuing to try and find a balance but some days are just harder than others. I want to be able to be there for my kids but also maintain my busy work schedule as well, is that even possible?

 

Would love to hear your thoughts….

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20 thoughts on “Balancing On A Tight Rope”

  1. You’re doing an amazing job B! None of us can do it all – or even a part of “it all” that we want to get done every day. Go easy on yourself, you’re a wonderful mom. xx

  2. It’s like you take the words out of my head… This mommy guilt thing is no joke, but I constantly remind myself that they will grow up. They will gain more independence each year, and as it gets easier, it also gets harder… Because we know that one day they won’t need us as much. For now, it’s all about juggling, and that’s what makes it so hard.

  3. you know I’m always in awe of how you do it all! I struggle with one. I can’t imagine three. All you can do is your best. Do what’s right for you that day. Maybe it’s having a babysitter one more day this week and one day less another. The fact is: we have to figure out a way to get more time in a day… or maybe a Brianne clone? Really though you’re doing fantastic.

    1. You are so so sweet Kaity! I do need a clone, in fact we all do. And to have an hr more in each day would help out so much! You are an incredible mama as well, we all need a reminder every once in a while!

  4. Mama guilt is bi*ch isn’t it? If only there were a way to completely rid ourselves of it. I too struggle with “I’m good enough” feelings – it’s so challenging because birthing babies truly is the most purposeful thing most mothers have ever done – and we just want the BEST for our little balls of love and passion. Like Kaity, I’m in awe of all that you do and accomplish – but also understand the bizarre paradox of how that compliment can make you feel bad – because sometimes we feel like we are just getting by. Your love is seen through your amazing kiddos. I see it in Gemma’s sheer excitement for trying something new – like walking! In sweet S’s smile and love, and Ry’s mama-boy bond with you. One day at a time mama. You are amazing. xx

    1. You are so so sweet Monica and Thank you! Mommy guilt is definitely the worst but we really need to take a step back and say wait I am good enough. You are an incredible mama and I absolutely adore your kiddies! xo

  5. You are doing great! It is hard to have a partner that travels, especially with kids. My husband travels a lot (hopefully home tomorrow after 17 days) and I have learned to ask for help. I used to try to do it all (part time work at home mom to 2) and ended up exhausted, frustrated, and annoyed. We made the bold decision to move closer to family to help and so far so good.

    1. Thank you Jessica! Yes I am currently looking for more help. And we are down to only 5 days left until my husband gets home after being gone for a month! Hang in there as well! xx

  6. Hi Brianne! I don’t know you at all save for our IG feeds and I’ve never visited your blog until tonight. This post caught my eye and got me thinking. I can offer only my opinion based on my experience having always been a working mom; not only are you doing enough? It sounds like you’re doing too much. Be good to yourself, mama – if you aren’t first and foremost, there isn’t going to be anything left to give to either your job OR those babies. You need to turn off the voices in your head that are telling you that you aren’t enough – you are. I can only imagine that NY is a million times the pressure cooker that LA is, even just logistically, but you’ve got to cut yourself some slack. As far as your son is concerned, he will be fine, I promise. I have seen two boys through K, and while it is certainly an important and pivotal year, many kids don’t come into their own in the reading and writing arena until well into the 1st grade. My first son read at 4, while my 2nd didn’t read in earnest until October or November of this year (1st grade.) Try to resist the urge to compare – not that you do, but it’s often natural to get a feel for ‘where he is.’ Comparison is the theif of joy on so many levels. Also, I would drop a play date in lieu of adding – or try to do one less thing a day where work is concerned. Kids want one thing: your undivided attention, and an hour of that in combination with an hour less of work a week for you, may be just what the doctor ordered. Be good to yourself, you deserve it. Above all, remember to breathe since before you know it? These moments will be gone. Hang in there and remember – you are not alone. xx

    1. Bethany – Thank you so so much for your beautiful comment! I am so grateful to share my fears and experiences with such amazing mamas like you. I have started working out, something I’ve been putting off for quite some time. My goal is three times a week. Last week I only got to two times but it is definitely a start! xo

  7. Smart advice from all the mamas above. I’m agreeing with Bethany, Kindergarten is hard for kids and they really aren’t going to read until first grade. Ben struggled and Allegra struggled. It will break your heart, but it will get better with school. You may need to have the baby sitter another day (even if it’s to also help with homework and afterschool time — maybe a college student who can come from 5-8 everyday and just help?).
    The way we solved homework battles (and yes, my oldest and I had battles) is to remove some stress from it. He now goes to after school 3 days a week. He has yoga and homework one day (so he gets one on one help), then yoga and computers and then gym and homework again on Thursdays. He’s happier, gets exercise and I get to spend time with him without the stress of homework. We still do plenty of homework (on the other two days and weekends), but this way I’m less of the homework-policing person.
    It will get easier when Siella starts more school (I know she takes some classes now). It’s a lot easier for me with my oldest and middle in school all day. Good luck and we’re all pulling for you, mama!
    I know things aren’t easy, but you have such grace and style.

    1. Thank you so much Nancy. And if there is anyone who knows it is definitely you! I am working on getting more help and taking time for myself. Something I totally struggle with. xo

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