Like I said in my last post, Jason is away for three weeks. Today is only day 10 of 24 and I am starting to lose it a bit. Anyone in this industry (TV Commercial Producer) knows that the days are long, and to actually make a commercial takes on average 3-4 weeks. So when he gets a call about a commercial shooting in Los Angeles, I can bank on him being gone for this long. When we met he traveled frequently but so did I, and we usually would meet up in LA. Then the travel tappered off once I had Ryder, but when Siella was about 4 months the travel picked up again and he’s been going ever since. We are extremely grateful and blessed that he has the work but leaving for these long periods of time is extremely hard, on all of us.
I was a bit panicked with this time because Ryder is off from school this week and I want to make the most of his vacation time. I originally thought I would escape freezing NYC and take the kids to Cali and stay with Jason but just found out he is actually working through the weekend. So for this week we have a playdates lined up, movies, ice skating, bowling, and a trip to the museum all in between my work and my birthday. Not so bad.
I know there are a ton of moms out there experiencing the same and can totally relate. I will be the first to say “it is flat out hard”. You are the only person day after day doing all of the breakfasts, lunches, dinner, early wake ups, bath and bedtime routines, and there is no recouping from it. The weekends for me are the absolutely hardest. It makes me sad when I see the dad’s in my neighborhood doing things with their children on the weekends sans the mom. It’s just a zero break.
And the lonely factor also sets in. Every night once the kids finally go to bed, I am left by myself. I am not going to lie but the first few nights are fine because I actually catch up on my work but then that tends to get old, real quick. As much as Jason and I try to connect over the phone; the time difference definitely doesn’t help much. When he is waking, I’m in the middle of my day and then once all is calm over here, he’s in the thick of it.
I’ve started to notice it is affecting the kids a little. More so at bedtime when they ask for their Dad. We do facetime as much as possible. But I know its hard on them and they miss him. As much as he is gone, this is something no one can get “use to”.
So is there a solution to his travel, not really. We move to Cali and he continues to work his 12 hour days, travel elsewhere, and be away from my family and support system, probably not. But do cherish the moments when he is in between jobs or working in town and try to do as much as we can as a family together. The time apart makes us all appreciate one another that much more.
16 thoughts on “The Single Wife”
Brianne, I completely relate to what you are going through. My husband was just in Brazil for 3 weeks in Jan and was just in LA this week.
And I find that bedtime is by far the HARDEST part of the day, because at that point, I’m exhausted and my patience is very limited.
I only have one child but sometimes that’s harder because he doesn’t have a sibling to distract/entertain him. It’s all me. All the time. And that is very wonderful and also very daunting at the same time.
Thanks again for sharing. And hang in there, girl ox
Thank you so much Lisa! 3 weeks is definitely a long time. I hope you hang in there as well! xo
I grew up with a truck driver dad who would regularly be out on multi-week moves. To help us deal with it my mom made us a “daddy quilt” – a blanket made out of my dad’s old work clothes. We were small so the whole thing would cover 3 kids at a time. Little things like the feeling of his clothes or the smell of his shampoo were more important to us then pictures were.
Of course, we didn’t have facetime then either.
Thank you so much Kirby for sharing this. That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard…you now have my wheels turning about what we can make. And yes…facetime is definitely a life saver!
Ah – weekends are the hardest I find. My husband spends 4 months out of the year out of the country. Luckily his trips are normally no longer than 3 weeks at a time, but the weekends drag on forever. I try to always make plans, or travel to stay with friends or family for a couple nights if we don’t have school and activities planned in town. I’ve learned to lower my expectations, a lot. That goes for when he gets home too. I always think I’ll have this endless supply of help once his planes lands, but truth is he is normally exhausted from all the traveling and he needs a minute of rest too. We always try to skype at dinner time or bedtime too. Hang in there!
Thank you so much Jessica. I agreed weekends drag forever! I am lucky enough to have my parents close by and we do tend to escape to them on the weekends. Also once he gets home our jive usually gets thrown off too and then its back to starting from scratch with routines. Hang in there yourself! XO
Brianne, I can definitely relate with you on this… My husband is in the Army and the life of a military wife/mom can be very difficult at times. My little girls are still young but the oldest who is 2 years old constantly asks for daddy. It breaks my hurt all the time to say he’s working, knowing he won’t be home for 2 weeks. I try and keep then busy as well but it is hard. We FaceTime as well but the girls are always too busy playing and wanting to touch the phone it sometimes becomes a hassle rather than enjoyment to see each other face to face.
Hang in there! Time will fly by!!
Hi Jeanine, Oh that must be so tough on you and the girls! I totally get the hassle with facetime because someone always wants to hold the phone too and then we wind up getting disconnected. Keeping busy is key, I do feel though time flies when he is away because I am in a constant blur of exhaustion the entire time. Thank you so much for your comment and hang in there too! XOXO
Hang in there! I love the way you creatively try to get through these long stretches. xoxo
Thank you Nicole, I am trying!
I’m currently expecting our first child and my husband travels for months at a time for his job and it’s hard just with me so I can only imagine it’s going to get harder with kids. He voices his concern that we are going to get used to him being gone and get to the point where when he comes home no one will care. I don’t agree but can see why he would feel like he will be missing out. It’s nice to hear about others who go through similar situations.
Congratulations! That is so exciting you have a new bundle on the way. I am sure it will take time getting adjusted to the back and forth. But in my opinion you always know when they are away. Hang in there you will make it happen!
You are the epitome of super mom, I’ve always known that. My true inspiration. How you manage to do it all is simply beyond. I’m your biggest fan, my friend. Love you!
Thank you so very much my dearest friend. Your constant support means the absolute world to me! love you!
Your post came just in time for me to read. I actually googled single wife looking for someone who might have wrote about this title I have given myself. My husband was in first year dental surgery residency when I had my first child. He would come home for dinner and then head to the library and stay there till 12 am most days. Most days we did not even see him for breakfast because he needed to be there early. He also did military reserves most weekends. We did this for four years(even a move after the third year to do a one year fellowship 3000 miles away). We had 3 kids in three years. This is the first year he is working and we still do not see him as much as we would like to as he is starting his career/building a practice. I was completely exhausted this past year and just overall bitter about it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Its just comforting to know other moms and dad go through these seasons with such strides and really do cherish the moments in the thick of life. Now I am off to do a fast craft with the three year old before the two and one year old gets up and interrupts craft time.
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