Days and weeks leading up to the birth of Gemma, friends and family begged me to slow down. I had so much to take care of before Gemma arrived between blogging events and deadlines, easter gifts for the kids, and regular daily life chores. I knew once she was here I would have to slow down. But the reality of it is that if my incision situation didn’t happen, I think I would have continued to go full force and never taken a break. I can say the one good thing to come out of all of this is that it forced me to take a step back and really look at my surroundings.
Was I prepared for the new baby? Yes of course I had clothes (duh), all the gear nessesary, the nursery was set up but mentally..not so much. I knew having three kids would be a huge change but I really didn’t know what to expect. I’ve pretty much been homebound since coming home from the hospital and haven’t ventured out as much as I would’ve like to. All three kids have been home because Ryder’s spring break happened to be this week and I find myself looking at all three in amazement and shock. It hasn’t sunken in yet that I’m a…Mom of Three! I have to say the things I was worried about, the jealously factor hasn’t really happened quite yet. Jason has been home all week, which is a huge plus so between the both of us each child is always getting what they need. And Ryder and Siella adore Gemma. Siella always wants to hold her, and knows to sit on the couch with her special pillow in order to do so. Its the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. Every morning the “big” kids wake up and look for her, and if G is crying, they try to comfort her. It’s the sweetest! I think this week Ryder and Siella have grown closer together. They’ve always had an unbreakable bond but I’ve found it more present this week than ever. They just spent two days at my parents house, and although I missed them so much, it was for the best that I got to spend one on one time with Gemma. I enjoyed every minute of it but kept thinking about Ry and Si who were having a blast anyway, but wanted my little party of three back.
Despite the sleepless night we had last night, Gemma has been the perfect little angel and just wants to snuggle up with you. I wish I remember all these moments I had with Ryder and Siella. It just goes by way too quickly. If only I can bottle this up and have forever. I want to be able to remember how little she was, the scent, and tiny movements. Even nursing is something that has taken me my third time around to realize it’s not a chore. I struggled in the beginning nursing Ryder and although it got better, I was never comfortable doing it in public. With Siella, I had no choice but to nurse her on whatever outing Ryder had that day, but I always sat there thinking about the million other things I needed to do. Now with Gemma, I just look down at her and enjoy it. These long feeding sessions won’t last forever. I’m making an effort to live in the moment and cherish this because before you know, this stage is gone! And given what has happened, I can pretty much say that this will be my last baby. It makes me so sad to say that because even though three kids was the plan, it just feels almost forced decision now. And its not like I can’t have another but what my body went through this time around..I don’t think it would be able to handle it again.
This week is where I am starting to panic. Jason is leaving for week to Los Angeles. Which means its back to reality and our insanely hectic schedule. My mom is going to stay with me which will be beyond helpful, but I am just wondering when I’ll finally be able to do it by myself. The doctor said I really cannot lift anything heavier than Gemma. So far, I’ve been abiding by that but for another four more weeks, it may be hard to do. I just want to be back into the swing of things but each day I do see improvement and the less need for pain medication. I guess this is all a work in progress, and one day at a time. But I’m looking on the bright side and just enjoying my kids right now.