It will be a month tomorrow since I gave birth to Gemma. I cannot believe she is one month old..how did that happen? Gemma is coming into her own. Its amazing how each of my kids were so different at this newborn stage. She’s definitely more of a love bug and just wants to be held and snuggled. I think her days and nights are mixed up because she tends to wake three to four times throughout the night. I’m also not toting her around as much as I would like to because the carrier sits right on my incision so until that’s healed I really can’t go far unless its stroller accessible. I did attend an event this past weekend and within an hour of her in the carrier, I needed to go home. I’m just not there yet.
The sleepless nights have been putting me in a complete fog. Sometimes I just don’t even know what day it is and I’m beginning to act like a robot. Just yesterday, I had a total mom fail and told the babysitter to pick something up for us but the address I gave her was non existent and proceeded to tell her I’m certain, but it clearly wasn’t. And I also forgot to mention to her that Ryder’s dismissal has changed locations. I barely functioned. Oh and I handed the cab driver my credit card rather than scanning it myself. And the list goes on! I still have the nurse coming daily to care for my incision. Good news is that is it healing nicely and it’ll probably be another week, hopefully. I do adore the nurses but its just another stressor thats added to our chaotic routine. We need to plan our whole day around the times they plan to come. Walking a lot during the day tends to take a toll on me and by nighttime, I feel pain. I just can’t wait to feel normal again. I joke with my husband that I’ve turned into the walking dead. And even though I should not be lifting anything heavier than Gemma, I have to pick up Siella at times. I simply have no choice.
My party of three has been a bit of a balancing act for me. Although I have some help now, it sometimes feels like its not enough because I really need like three of me to go around. Ryder and Siella are the easiest to pass off to the sitter, but then I start feeling as if I didn’t spend enough time with them. It’s definitely a juggling act. Siella, has become quite attached to me over the past month. Even if Jason tries to do something for her, she says “No Mommy do it”. And of course I give in because I totally have mommy guilt. But she absolutely adores Gemma and wants nothing more than to kiss and hold her. Siella has also decided to start potty training. And when I say “she” started, I mean she refuses to wear diapers. Yes, this is an amazing milestone but she tends to do it on her own time. If she is playing and doesn’t want to miss out, she will go in her pants. This is something I was not ready for because I do have a ton on my plate at the moment. But shes doing it, and I’m cleaning it and doing laundry every other day.
Ryder hasn’t been affected much by Gemma being born because he is in school most of the time. The only change for him is that I’m not the one chauffeuring him from place to place all the time. I try to get him at school when I can but it’s sometimes hard when Gemma is marathon feeding. He’s definitely had some meltdowns and just does not listen at times but I am blaming it on the age for now. We are still doing our dates once a week, and I am going to start with Siella too, because they and I both need it.
Overall I am still trying to figure things out. Its been quite overwhelming and hard to handle at times. I mean three kids under five years old, there’s always one or more crying at some point. And I just have to keep remembering to take deep breaths and remember this crazy chaos will pass. I think time and maybe some more sleep, things will slowly come together for us. I just need to figure out a way to not be pulled in every direction. Is that even possible?
I have amazing things happening right now for my writing career and I’m beyond stokked! I now have my own column on Momtrends, the site I’ve been contributing to for almost a year. And two new things happened about a week before Gemma was born, I was asked to contribute to Kidville’s Voice’s From The Ville blog, and Elizabeth Street. You can find my two recent articles here and here, respectfully. Now, I just need to find the time to be one on one with my computer.