Still Trying To Process

I had these thoughts swirling in my head since Friday afternoon, after finding out about the horrific and devastating tragedy that happened at Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newtown Connecticut. Words cannot express all of the feelings I have for these poor helpless victims and their families. I can’t help but feel saddened, scared, angry, confused, horrified, and just pain numb, as most of you are too. I keep turning on the news to see if there are any more details as to why this person would do such a horrific crime. But then, I keep saying to myself, it doesn’t matter what answers we have because it still cannot bring back twenty young soles who had so much to look forward to, and to the heroes/adults/teachers that tried to shield these helpless children and that gave up their lives as well.

Even though it is now five days later I still get all choked up and teary eyed just thinking about it. I can’t get those little faces out of my head. And because this has hit so close to home, Ryder is only a year away from kindergarden, I now question sending him to school for the past two days. I questioned sitting outside his school all day, anything to keep him safe. I questioned the checkout clerk at Whole Foods this past weekend who seemed a little off and wondered if he was capable of such a crime. I never want to let my kids out of my sight again. It’s sad we have to feel like this but I do have to remember as one friend put it, “there is more good in this world than bad”.

Issues such as mental illness and gun control are now finally coming into conversation. These are serious issues and they needed to be addressed yesterday. And it is horrible that 26 lives are now lost for us to start speaking about it. Aurora Colorado shootings only happened a couple of months ago, Empire State building shooting…..enough said.

I haven’t told Ryder anything about the events because he is too young and enjoys school so much I wouldnt want to ruin anything for him. And with the holidays coming up, it just makes this whole thing even more painful. The minute I feel stressed about trying to get everything done or juggle my daily routine, I have to take a step back and realize these poor families will never be the same. And will have to be reminded every holiday season what has happened to them.

The whole country has been affected by this and even thought our hearts are broken we have to appreciate what we have, hug our children tighter, hope and pray. In loving memory to all these angels and my thoughts and prayers are with the families.