Somewhere along the lines of having my third baby and complications with my c section, I surrendered. I gave up the control I’ve had since becoming a mom almost five years ago. Control over things like only me doing our laundry, food shopping, cleaning the apartment, and even some the rules I started when Ry was young like we always have to read a book before bed. I had no choice but to start letting others help me do things for me because I simply just couldn’t do it all. Since Gemma’s birth, I’ve been busier than ever and not just raising my three kids under five but also my work, this blog, my brand has been keeping me on my toes. As you all know, mommy-hood is an absolute juggling act. This past weekend was the breaking point and things started to come into focus for me. The kids were so badly behaved, my house was a disaster, we don’t read our bedtime books anymore, and I had tons of work on my plate. I still have some “thank you” cards I didn’t send for Gemma’s birth and Ryder’s birthday is only a few weeks away, and I have yet to start planning it. I couldn’t help but feel as if I’m drowning in this craziness. When did I lose control over all of this.
Another thing that has completely gone waayyyyy out of control is the sleeping situation in this house. Naps are a battle for Siella and night time routine has turned into a two hour ordeal. And that’s not all, she wakes in the middle of the night, sometimes waking up Gemma. On a regular night, Siella wonders into my bed at around 2ish, then Gemma wakes to feed at 4am, (although the pediatrician recently told me she shouldn’t be eating at that time). Since I’m not ready for her to cry it out, I feed her and she goes back to sleep. The entire clan wakes around 5;45, usually waking Gemma up. I honestly don’t know when I let this all go and let them decide their bedtime routine or rather lack of. And things I use to get done when they were sleeping are no longer happening because I’m completely wiped out after the whole “bedtime” process is over.
And with kids not getting enough sleep comes the behavior issues. I’ll be the first to admit my kids simply do not listen to me. They have zero fear and aren’t afraid of anything. Fearless! By 9am, Siella is in full meltdown because she’s exhausted. Ryder will even melt at some point during the day. And like a chain reaction, Gemma is getting woken up from all the chaos!
Overall, my kids are tired, I’m tired, and my husband is tired of me crying to him on the phone miles away because there’s nothing he could do. I got to thinking of ways I need to gain back my control. I have to be stricter when it comes to bedtime and start letting Siella cry and despite the insane sleep deprivation I’m experiencing and not letting things just go. I need to get back the schedules that once were in play. Hopefully once school starts, things will be in order again and I will regain my control. I know this will all pass and we are just in the trenches at the moment. But I can’t help but feel pretty defeated these days.